Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
