I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
