shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
