how can u be prego again
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
