oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
