last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
