Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
