I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
