omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
