I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
