Redeem this text for a blowjob
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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