he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
