i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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