The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she looked like the before picture.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
