just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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