two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
