Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The uberlube is also flammable
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize