i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
