omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
