end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
