You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
