Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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