I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
