who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
and she was petting her beer can
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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