On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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