I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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