I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
