I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
