Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
