Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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