I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
