Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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