My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
