I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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