The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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