I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
