You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize