Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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