Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
