new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
