Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Randomize
