I'm eating all of the evidence.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
