After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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