All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
