is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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