I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize