wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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