i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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