I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
COCAINE IS GR8
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
