Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
