I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
