You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
