So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
