It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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