It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
