if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
