Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
