so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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