Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
