You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
