Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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