hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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