Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Randomize