Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
