I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
