Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
